Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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