I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
