I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
