one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
