After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
