allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
