This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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