I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
