You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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