She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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