ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Small penises have feelings too.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Randomize
