It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
