Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
