all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize