I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
