Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
