Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
