My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
