Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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