Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
