i wish my penis had a tongue
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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