The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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