She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
