I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
