I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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