it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
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then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
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I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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