can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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