so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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