you guys were way drunker than both of me
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
