at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
