Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
