Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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