I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
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Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
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Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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