We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize