Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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