I'm lost and stupid without you.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
