we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
