You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
