unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
