take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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