I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
