She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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