last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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