i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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