Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
