I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
