wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
