ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
