I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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