Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
