I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize