I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
