i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
