I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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