Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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