Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
