She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
