I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
