found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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