Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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