I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
