I could have mohawked her pubes.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
